I feel terrible for her situation and I am always exhausted from dealing with J. Social workers and one psychologist who has evaluated him just keep telling me he's not on the autism spectrum and that he's just a willful child. But I feel totally at a loss how to help him deal with his emotions and normalize our lives. My 2 years daughter like to hit her 9 months brother in face and head and also her cousin when they play together, When she goes to her Grandpa and Grandma she starts to reach anything on tables and broke them!
Hi , My 4 years old son gets angry and frustrated when something simple like his toys not working. Like he wants to tow a car with a truck then it doesn't work for some reason, then he throw them away and start screaming. He is pretty normal outside or at school but lose his tolerance really fast if something goes wrong like when he can not wear his shoes or change his pants. What is the best approach?
My younger son going to complete two year within two months He always throwing kitchen utensils, remote control and mobile phones. But the main problem is, he hitting my older son age 7 years. Even he hits me, his mother and even my parents sometimes. He hits anything he have in his hand.
He looks very normal when he hit anybody. Generally his growth is Very normal and other way he is quite normal. I was travelling a lot when he was small and feel like he has aggression because of that as well as feels slightly unsafe in the world. His behavior at school has improved and we can have days with good behavior. However, on those bad days, it's always a problem with hitting.
And, there seems to be one particular girl that he hits the most but not only her. I've met the girl and she is the most loving child you could imagine. I've seen them interact and he really likes her and she likes him. Today, there was a different teacher in the class who said that my son just walked over to the little girl and whaled on her in the back. The school is saying that he might not be able to come back, so of course I'm panicked.
We have talked to him about ways to solve this problem. Deep breathing, talking to a teacher when he's upset, proprioceptive movements that help calm down the body, going with the flow - just letting things go.
Sometimes, he uses these techniques and averts his own issues, but other times, it's like he hasn't learned it. We also take away TV time, favorite toys, etc. Last week he was sent home from school and I made him work on a computer school program all afternoon.
No playing, just work until school time was up. I try to stay calm with him. I try to remind him that he is making poor choices but he is not bad he has some negative self-talk. I always affirm that I love him, but that his behavior is not acceptable in any circumstance. We also do role-playing to try to think of new ways to handle the problem. I don't know how to break him out of this behavior.
I feel so lost and scared right now. I would love to hear if there is an approach I'm missing. I have a 4 year old that has become increasingly more aggressive. She has started kicking other kids which she never did before. She understands that the behavior is wrong, but still chooses to do it anyway. She has violent tantrums and it takes anywhere from min for her to calm down. She mostly has these behaviors at daycare.
I dont see as much agression or behavior at home. But they are calling everyday for me to pick her up. I took her to a child psychiatrist who really didnt help much. He said to be consistent and the school will have to figure out how t o set limits for her. I really feel they have and are doing this, but it is no help. We talk about it each time it occurs and I. With this stage in development, young children tend to have a low. This does not mean that you are powerless, however.
I encourage you to practice the steps. My 5 year ols son has been aggressive in school since first day of school and a year later there is no change. He is hitting, kicking, spitting, pulling hair. He doesn't display this behaviour at home or when with me or most family members. For kids to feel a sense of safety in such a situation, they usually need us to spend daily time with them simply connecting, so they deeply trust us and our commitment to supporting them.
More on Special Time below. You say you have an excellent, close relationship with your daughter, so I think she will feel safer if you hold her to keep her from hitting you.
BUT if not, stop. Spend a few weeks connecting as described below. Then you can try this again to see if it works for her. The bottom line is to trust your own instincts.
When kids lash out physically, it is harder to keep ourselves safe without holding our child, but it can be done, and eventually they will still get to the same place of getting past their anger to surface and let go of their tears and fears. In my experience, children are excited when parents offer them a safe place to "show" their emotions. It seems as if they hit us to get our attention, but once we are attending they stop hitting.
They often do like to struggle against us, but if that feels too unsafe to us, they are often satisfied if we hold up a couch pillow and they struggle against the pillow. In other words, children are grateful for this opportunity to "vent" and are not actually trying to hurt us. It is our job to keep the interaction feeling safe for both of us while these big feelings come up. After the wave of fear, she will probably collapse into your arms in tears.
She may cry and cry. This is a testimony to your brave, hard work. She is letting out a whole backpack of feelings that have been pressuring her. You will be amazed at the change in her demeanor afterwards. She will be cooperative and affectionate, and she will no longer care about whatever she so desperately needed before her meltdown.
Instead, she will be free and flexible, not hampered by the pressure of "stuffed" emotion. I assume that you generally give your daughter responsive parenting so that she knows that she can get her needs met with more constructive interaction. Obviously, if you don't give her the treat or movie, that helps to eliminate this way of asking.
But what if she is asking for your attention? It is hard not to "attend" to someone hurting you. Many experts recommend that you "ignore" your child's aggression to "extinguish" it.
I think that sends the wrong message. I think the appropriate message is "I see you have some big feelings and you are trying to hurt me to get my attention. You never need to hurt me to get my attention. Just say 'Mommy, I need you! It is best, of course, if you can give her your attention pre-emptively, rather than waiting for her to hurt you.
The best way to do this is to schedule in daily "Special Time. Plan on 15 minutes. Every other day, do whatever she wants for that 15 minutes. This builds her sense of trust and her confidence that her happiness matters to you.
Think of it as "filling her cup. You might think of this as "cup maintenance. Blocks to kids feeling our love are usually big feelings that are unexpressed. Luckily, crying is not the only way to get those feelings out. Giggling works almost as well. Play games with your daughter that get her giggling. Any game that gets to the issue of fear, but in a light enough way that she can giggle about it, will work here.
Pillow fights are especially good with aggressive kids, partly because they let you get your own aggression out! Another game might be having you take turns being a scary witch.
Just remember to ham it up to keep the giggles coming. I would also suggest "playing" with the theme of her hurting you to discharge some of the tension that has built up in both of you around this. Obviously, you do this during special time when you are both feeling good and connected, not angry. Say "Let's play MAD! You be mad first. Wink, so she knows this is still a game, and say " You are very mad, but I am SuperMom and you can't hurt me! Jump out of her way. She should giggle.
If she doesn't giggle, you're on the wrong track and you should switch gears. Keep letting her chase you and jumping out of her way, as long as she is still giggling. If you or she get tired of this game, you can suggest reversing it. But when you chase her and try to grab her, always let her be more powerful and get away. It's also important to play games just to build connection with her, during your special time. There are more examples of such games on the Aha!
These games and the daily special time will change your relationship. I know you already have a good relationship.
But if your daughter felt it was safe to show you her big feelings, I don't think she would be hitting you. Kids hit because of inner turmoil. Spending this special time with her will build trust between you so that she can let those feelings out and is no longer driven by them.
Like most four year olds, she is experimenting with power, and learning what works to get what she wants in the world. That doesn't make her a bad person, just a four year old. It is our job to help children learn more satisfying ways of interacting. You've done a great job of helping your daughter not to hit her peers. Now you need to see it as just as unthinkable that she would hurt you. If you are clear that no person, even your daughter, has the right to hit you, then you will not allow yourself to be hit.
Maybe you've seen your kid hit a sibling who wouldn't share or yell at a classmate who wasn't playing restaurant "the right way. Before you beat yourself up over such behavior, though, you should know that hitting and biting at this age are typically not malicious. Aggressive acts are a normal and thankfully temporary part of development. They almost always stem from a kid's natural curiosity and lack of language skills. It's not clear where toddlers get the idea to hit ; even the most affectionate parents have kids who sometimes lash out.
The habit may be largely due to their natural impulsiveness and trouble regulating emotions. Some kids are simply more short-tempered than others. And certain tots may learn to bite from relatives or caregivers who give nibbles for fun. Your child may also hit or bite simply because she revels in practicing the new skill. If she's ever received positive reinforcement for aggressive behavior—whether in the form of the toy she was vying for or a chuckle from you—she may continue to act out for the potential payoff.
Aggressive behaviors are more common in group settings, where conflicts are more likely to arise, says Kurt Fischer, Ph. A dispute between two toddlers over a toy, for instance, can easily escalate into a physical fight. If there's no power difference, then it's probably just a conflict rather than bullying," says Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.
You can equip your toddler or preschooler with more appropriate tools for getting his message across as well as boost his self-control with these expert strategies. Show your disapproval. The instant your child's fists fly, state loudly and firmly, "No! We do not hit.
Remove your toddler from the situation. Violent Behavior in Children and Adolescents. American Academy of Pediatrics. Updated December 5, Your Privacy Rights. To change or withdraw your consent choices for VerywellFamily. At any time, you can update your settings through the "EU Privacy" link at the bottom of any page. These choices will be signaled globally to our partners and will not affect browsing data. We and our partners process data to: Actively scan device characteristics for identification.
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